I did not sleep very well last night. I had dreams or visions about Mother, our dog Timmy and they were not very pleasant.
Why?
I miss my mother. Totally. She is almost 80 (actually this coming December) and she is going to have her second knee fixed in September. All this staying here in Paradise, forgoing the time to take care of her, has taken its toll on my mental health big time. I feel guilty and almost helpless all the time regarding this topic.
We have chosen to stay put in this country, citing a better future and calmer life for us and our children. How true that is we will never know. The price we pay is the perceived abomination from our family back home, thinking how unfilial we are. Asking us WTH are we thinking? Getting the new passport will mean giving up the Singapore one.
Timmy will be soon 8 months old. Much progress has been made regarding integrating him into our life.
At 6am we wake up for the quick toilet break outside. Then I give him his 1st meal and then walk for 30-40 mins (about 3km). He makes his chocolate pudding outside and all is happy. He comes back and I put him into his crate. Sarah will let him out of his crate at lunch time when she comes home from school. Later in the afternoon, someone should bring him out for his 2nd walk at 6pm or 6:30pm. The plan is to let Sarah or Joel walk him (2nd walk) when they get home from school. It can also be me or Michelle (although Michelle has never walked Timmy alone)
During the last 5 weeks, Joel has been consistent in his walks with Timmy. This was my plan to make him calmer and take on responsibility with a "LIFE". He also chose Timmy instead of a cutey-pie kind of lap dog. He did well. He grumbled a few times and we even fought hard on 1 occasion. But nevertheless, his love for Timmy will mean Timmy stays in the family for good.
Sarah has also been very consistent in caring for Timmy. She loves him like a little brother and she trains him to sit, down and roll. All thanks to Amy and Chloe with Coco. They are the exemplary dog handlers.
Now the unpleasant mind tricks regarding Timmy is this. How are we ever going to cope if we do go back to Singapore and live in our HDB flat with Timmy. Even if HDB allows him (some permissions and rules), it will be very hard to "let him out" for a Pee. We live on the 15th floor! We cannot keep going outside, down the lift, find a grass patch and let him wee? Can we? How do HDB dwellers manage their dogs? I don't know.
It was a fitful night, to say the least. When I recall the "dreams" regarding my mum, our life here and Timmy, my heart sank deeper into the abyss. It is not easy to live apart from the family. We feel so lonely. We do. But our stubbornness disallows us to divulge this inner feeling.
School started now. The children are back in school and I am "free" to watch my movies, surf the WWW and follow up on the job search. Being unemployed at this middle age in these times in this country is no mean feat. I have to keep the faith. Ya.
God will provide.
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